I Found What I Need

by Constantine M., for July 2017 Newsletter

I found what I need on Easter Sunday.  Everything made sense to me from that point on.   My eyes were opened on that day.  

Easter Vigil was a major moment in my life.  I was baptized and became Catholic, and I only began to realize it the following day - on Easter Sunday.  I attended the Cantonese mass at St. Leo on Easter Sunday, and I was very surprised how excited my community was for my baptism.  I felt that they were more excited about my baptism than I was.  I started to feel a change in me, but I didn't know how to describe it.

After mass that day, I started to look back on where I began spiritual journey.  It went back to when my mom passed away.  I felt that was the lowest point of my life.  I didn’t realize then, but I finally understand now that God has been with me since then.  

The first sign was a month prior to my mom’s passing, my best friend (now my wife) sent me a postcard.   It was a very strange coincidence since I hadn't talked to her for over two years at that time.   During that moment in time, I was mentally checked out from everything because of my mom's decaying health and suffering, but I could open up to my wife because I trust her.   Her presence gave me comfort, and she walked with me through my mom's funeral when I was emotionally down.

Later, after we started dating, she brought me to St. Leo and the Chinese Community.  I went to mass with her for a few years even though I had no idea on what’ was going on, but I found comfort from the music and peace in heart.  The experience was uplifting during a time when I wasn’t interested in anything.  My exposure to the community allowed me to get to know Jesus better, and slowly became interested in learning about God.

I did not understand the Bible much back then, but I now can understand how Jesus would go after the one missing sheep and leaving the one hundred behind.  I felt Jesus came after me, and I was that one lost sheep.  After living with people with faith, I realized that something is missing in my life.   The realization gave me a second chance in looking at my life, to look for what I was missing.

I took six months of RCIA class and having high hopes on finding what I was missing, but I could not find it, though I felt I am confirmed that I do want to become Catholic and continue searching for this "thing".  On the night of Easter Vigil, I was baptized, and it was a memorable moment.  Not as memorable as the next day when I attended mass at St. Leo.  After receiving communion at St. Leo, I felt a fire in me.  When the community recognized me joining the big family, I can for the first time in my life felt what faith is.  It is something bigger than myself and what the word means.  I truly felt that I am now part of the community because I share that "something special" with everyone in the church, and I felt it even though there was no logical description of my feelings.  I feel calm, I feel at peace, and I feel I belong.  I know I found what I need.  I found God.

I know God fills my heart and God is there for me regardless of the ups and downs I go through.  My eyes are opened now, and faith was that missing piece all along in my life.  God had a plan for me - He planned how I could be with my wife, and for her to bring me to a loving community where I feel I belong.  The new realization that life has a meaning in existence rather than just living.  I truly feel that I am at my best possible self than any other points in my life so far, because I am so close to God.  My belief in God is what is guiding me to live my dreams.